“STOP THE KILLING, I’M RUNNING OUT OF VIRGINS!” -God

Posted in God Watch with tags , , , , , , , on March 13, 2008 by willthomasonline

divine_light_holmsteen.jpg

“God will see you now.”

The woman at the door regarded me behind her veil with eyes of smouldering kohl.

“Are you of the faith?” she asked as I stepped inside an ornate, gilded mansion that would have boggled Croesus.

“I’m willing to believe anything if I can keep company with you,” I ventured, craning my neck to scope out a place that seemed to combine home, cathedral and art museum on a gargantuan scale. But my flippant flirtation fell flat.

Brusquely gesturing for me to follow, my guide informed me over her shoulder: “It doesn’t work that way.”

Gliding ahead with a desert gait I’d admired during my service with the Gulf Environmental Emergency Response Team, she dropped one of her diaphanous veils every few meters. My breath quickened with each cast-off illusion. But the seventh and last veil stayed stubbornly in place. Obviously, I did not merit the final rewarded glimpse of… enlightenment.

More spry than I’d imagined, I found God in his office. The old codger was  seated in mid-air above a large desk covered with some 7 billion “waybills” representing every newly arriving, sojourning or departing soul on Earth. As I approached, an angel fluttered overhead, took aim like a seagull, and dropped another stack of birth certificates into an already overflowing “In” tray.

“I never imagined what a monster I was creating, inventing humans,” God sighed, waving me to a conventional chair. “Dealing with so many requests would be impossible if I hadn’t thought up the Internet and email to keep people distracted.”

I grinned. But there was little humor in his smile. God looked stressed dealing with just one paltry planet out of 17,000 parallel universes.

“How’s the birth rate doing?” I inquired.

“It’s finally dropping wherever the Internet takes hold,” God replied. “People who stay up every night staring at a monitor are too zoned to get it on.

“But it still doesn’t make my work much easier,” he went on. “The demands keep piling up from people who squander the two greatest gifts I can bestow – life itself, and free will – and still think I owe them personal round-the-clock attention. You would not believe the abuse I get from so-called religious people when I don’t drop everything to fulfill some unearned whim or desire!”

I could only mumble my sympathy. Wasn’t playing God supposed to be fun?

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THE BIGGEST COMMANDMENT OF ALL
“How did you find me?” God asked, leaning back on empty air. “Most people think I live on a cloud in the sky. And the rest are convinced I don’t even exist.”

“I remembered something about you occupying a mansion with many rooms,” I replied. “And I figured being God, it must be pretty big. So I started knocking on doors. Still, I didn’t expect to find you in D.C.”

God laughed delightedly. “Even though I’m bedeviled by rip-off real estate hucksters, it lets me keep a closer eye on the biggest liars, thieves and terrorists. How do you like my digs?”

“Well, if you don’t mind me saying, it does seem somewhat ostentatious, what with so many people going hungry and the rest wanting new cars,” I replied. “Just the art on the walls must be worth gazillions.”

“Remember, I might have to stay here until some fanatic finally triggers Armageddon,” God said. “Especially after my son let on that I’m providing free accommodation to everyone who follows my most important commandment…”

“Which is?” I blurted, whipping out my notebook. “Sorry to interrupt.”

“’Be nice,’” God said.

“And since most people are nice – at least those who love all my children, and aren’t totally hypnotized watching teevee or being owned by a lot of stuff,” he continued, “I’ve got to accommodate a lot of souls. What’s the rush to get here, anyway? Haven’t people figured out that the pleasures of the flesh are exclusive to embodiment?”

I shrugged. “Guess not.”

THE 11th COMMANDMENT
A golden beam of light shot from the fingers he pointed at me.

“Write this down,” he commanded. “The creatures I created – the birds and flowers of the field, the dolphins and whales in the sea, the big cats in the jungle – immerse themselves in each moment, without worrying about how much cash they might be making by doing things that go against their nature.

“I never thought humans would take such a big bite out of the Big Apple. Or show such ingratitude for birdsong, sunshine, or the caress of a lover or warm breeze on their skin. But no. Ever since those devilish bankers invented interest on debt, people seem hell bent on ignoring the lessons I allow them to arrange for themselves…”

God shook his head.

“I’m expecting a big influx of arrivals once climate shift, global famine, war, disease and $50 a gallon gas really kick in,” he resumed. “And don’t think housing so many souls is easy. Most people indulge such bizarre belief systems, they end up here expecting something completely different. And they usually express their disappointment at maximum volume!”

God grimaced. “You’d better warn everyone that the bedlam of all their complaining is about to see me impose an 11th commandment.”

“Which is?” I prompted.

“Stop whining!”

God was nearly shouting, “What do so many selfish souls have to complain about, after I gifted each one of them with the miracle of life itself?” he demanded.

“Lack of milk and honey,” I guessed. “And the 70 virgins supposedly assigned to each ‘successful’ suicide bomber. If that’s the right description.”

God leaned forward in mid-air. “You’ve got to tell them to stop all that killing,” he said, looking into my eyes. “I’m running out of virgins.”

STOP-LOSS VIRGINS
“That’s a big request,” I replied. “Suicide bombing’s gaining popularity among despairing and oppressed peoples everywhere, who simply don’t see any other way to stop an ignorant Hyperpower and its proxies from killing their families and destroying their homes. With the White House taken over by fundamentalists talking and acting exactly like the Taliban they once funded, a formerly democratic country armed with more weapons than all other nations combined is running amok and trashing the entire planet.”

God waved me into silence.

“I hate being beholden to mistranslators of my Word,” he admonished. “Now, they’re even discriminating against women suicide bombers, who don’t seem to merit 70 blond surfer hunks for their misguided murders. Still, for each so-called male ‘martyr’ I’m expected to pony up 70 houris. Otherwise, if I withhold, I’ll be accused of interfering in their destinies. Not to mention all the people who would still be alive if wannabe suicide bombers knew where they’re really going to end up if they push that plunger.”

“So how are you coping with all the killing?” I asked.

“I’m having to recycle all the available girls,” God admitted. “Just like all those American GIs forced by ‘stop loss’ to keep playing homemade-bomb roulette way past their contract expirations, most of my houris are on their fourth tour here.”

“But I thought they had to be virgins,” I interjected.

“They are,” God corrected me. “Islamic law stipulates that on arriving in Paradise on the wings of a green Phoenix, suicide’martyrs’ can look but not touch the 70 virgins initially assigned to feed them milk and honey, and show them around. So it isn’t long before young men deprived at home start feeling teased here. Judging by their angry frustration, I’d say most would-be terrorist’s aren’t reading the fine print before blowing themselves to a kingdom not to come.”

“I’ll try to get the word out,” I offered. “No nooky for suicide bombers in paradise.”

NO EXCUSES
“As if anyone with a beating heart and a lick of sanity can really believe they will merit any kind of heavenly reward for murdering the innocent!” God went on. “And that goes for American terror bombers, too. Usama and his followers can’t come close to the havoc raised by all the uranium-tipped missiles, bombs and cannon shells the Americans are firing into defenseless neighborhoods in Afghanistan and Iraq.

“Now American GIs, bomber and gunship pilots are showing up here after dying from return fire, Gulf War Illness The Sequel, or most often, suicide. Can you believe they all expect the red carpet treatment after murdering more than one million innocent kids, moms, dads and elders just to steal oil that was already being sold to them below OPEC prices? Not to mention defiling the paradisiacal planet I gave them by blowing their radioactive waste all over the globe. And all in my name! How twisted is that?”

“They can’t really help it,” I assayed, making an involuntary calming gesture. “All that violence on TV and in the movies… those endless messages of fear and propaganda running 24-7 on the big networks. Not to mention all those anti-depressants, aspartame, fluoride, microwaves, STDs and cellphones frying what’s left of their brain cells.”

“Do people really think I’ll accept their excuses for the mass murders carried out in places like early Native America, Auschwitz, Stalin’s Russia, Mao’s China, Ēl Salvador, Chile, Vietnam, Chechnya, Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq?” God came right back. “Do they think I put them on Earth just to go to Wal-Mart and get fat eating junk food watching the tube while innocent men, women and children are being abducted and tortured in foreign gulags in their name?”

KILL NOT
Catching himself, God lowered his voice. “Have you every tried carving 10 Commandments in solid stone?” he went on. “What part of ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ don’t people understand?”

“Maybe it’s the ‘Thou Shalt’ that’s throwing them,” I suggested. “Most folks who sign up to kill total strangers not much different from their own spouses and children – who never threatened their country in any way – are even dumber than their leaders, who are at least smart enough to issue illegal orders while hiding far in the rear. Maybe we should change the branding. How about simply, ‘Kill Not’?”

I snapped my fingers. “Or even better: ‘Kill. Not!’”

“That’s kickin’!” God cried, clapping his hands. “You and your colleagues in the press and on the worldwide web have to get the word out that I don’t care what flag people wave. Indiscriminate slaughter does not open any gates here. Tell anyone who thinks killing in my name is okay is in for a big surprise when they show up looking for a vacancy in my mansion of not that many rooms.”

NEWBIE BRIEFING
“So what happens to them?” I asked, scribbling fast in my notebook.

“I usually let my son handle the new arrivals,” God said. “He always asks them, ‘What about my strict Word that children are never to be harmed?’

“And they always say, ‘Christ, I forgot.’”

I laughed. “But by then it’s too late,” I guessed.

“Right,” God agreed. “Way too late.”

“So what happens to the people who blow up civilians – the pilots and artillery officers, the tank crews and suicide bombers, the quick-on-trigger sentries – and all those who pay for this carnage without protest?” I asked again.

“To hell with them,” God said with a wink.

“Whoa,” I exclaimed. “Isn’t that a bit heavy, condemning manipulated adolescents to everlasting damnation just for carrying out the lessons you put them on Earth to learn?”

“Are you trying to guilt trip me?” God asked.

“Just curious,“ I replied.

MARY MARY QUITE CONTRARY
“Look,” God said with deliberate emphasis. “I don’t like being slandered as a heavy just because some priest or mullah or minister or rabbi tells his herd, I mean flock, I mean followers, that I’m a vengeful, unforgiving, bloodthirsty old SOB. If everyone found out how loving and compassionate I really am, the whole manipulation-through-fear scam run by the major religions would end. And people would start doing what my son instructed them to do in the only set of eyewitness instructions he actually dictated.”

“The Gnostic Gospels,” I guessed.

“Right,” God said again. “Especially that recovered fragment written by Mary.”

“Christ’s respect and affection for Magdalene incurred the jealousy of the apostles, until he told them that she alone among them actually understood his teaching,” I recounted.

“Which was… ” God prompted.

“To avoid priests and similar intermediaries, who are unnecessary and even an impediment to understanding and following his example.”

“Which was… “

“Which was not his torture and crucifixion celebrated by so many cross-eyed Christians and at least one perverted, anti-Semitic movie-maker,” I answered. “Nor even a cannibalistic re-enactment of a Last Supper deliberately misrepresented to have excluded women. Jesus’ real message was his Resurrection. He was instructing us to resurrect our own souls by taking personal responsibility for seeking our own salvation.”

“And how did he say to do that?” God quizzed.

“By being quiet and really listening to where you both speak directly to each one of us – from within our hearts. And then doing what we know is right.”

“Bravo,” God said. “That’s it exactly.”

SINNERS’ FATE REVEALED
“So if you’ll excuse the question,” I kept going. “Why not finally end the manipulation of the major religions peddling hellfire and blind obedience?”

“I can’t intervene,” God replied. “That would negate free choice, and interfere with people’s need to learn for themselves – to practice right thoughts, right speech and right action. Which are the only ways anyone ever gets in here.”

“In other words, ‘Do unto others… ” I started to quote.

“Which means,” God finished for me, “that when spreading love, clothing the naked and feeding the hungry – or maiming, terrorizing, traumatizing or blowing up any sacred being – remember: ‘Whatsoever you do unto one of my creatures, you do unto me.’”

“But why send everyone who falls for such long-practiced religious scams and patriotic cons straight to hell?” I still wanted to know.

“Oh that,” God chuckled. “I don’t send anyone to hell. I send the really bad sinners next door.”

“Next door?”

“To the Goddess!” God said, laughing uproariously.

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“Why do you look so surprised?” he grinned, wiping mirth from his eyes. “Can’t you see that trying to run a universe solely as a male would be as unbalanced and unworkable as it’s proving on Earth? Look around you, dude. Do you think there might be a reason why most people on this planet are not male? Trying to accomplish anything without feminine perspective, passion and engagement is as stupid as heading off toward Jericho in a one-wheel cart.”

He was still laughing. “After all, yin-yang is a celestial symbol, you know. And while useful as a discipline, do you really think practicing eternal celibacy serves anyone but jealous priests?”

“So what does she do with all the soldiers and suicide bombers you send her?” I asked, ignoring the other obvious question.

“Why, she forgives them, of course. Just like I do,” God said. “Then she sends them back for one-thousand lifetimes of learning and community service.”

Leaning forward once again, God spoke in a voice so low I had to bend toward him like a co-conspirator. Which is what I guess reporters are.

“Given what’s coming down Earthside, I’d say that these next few lifetimes are going to be plenty busy. And not all that pleasant,” he confided. “So tell everyone you meet onboard what they’d better hurry up and figure out is an exceedingly rare, sun-orbiting spacecraft: It’s time to start hearing each other and get your ship together. Or you may find my earthly mansion in ruins. And me on an overdue holiday.”

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FINALLY, HELL DISPROVEN

Posted in God Watch with tags , , , , , on March 1, 2008 by willthomasonline

Hell LogoA chemistry student at the University of Washington has ended a centuries-long reign of terror by major religions that have been threatening believers with perpetual agony in eternal hellfire if they question “God’s word” – as stipulated by ministers, priests, popes and scholars poring over passages not “written by God” (who did not even leave any notes or taped interviews), but penned by misogynist men with similarly controlling agendas.

Of course, the impossibility of a disembodied soul (or spirit) feeling corporeal sensations such as cold, rain, heat or fire has made the concept of “roasting in hell” like a chicken basted on a rotisserie a nonstarter from the beginning.

Despite this insurmountable contradiction, the notion of an eternal fiery pit hosting pitchfork-loads of freaked out souls condemned by a vengeful god was imposed by exasperated church leaders who finally resorted to saying “to hell with everyone” tempted by the natural human propensity to enjoy sex, and other pleasures of embodiment.

Now, thanks to a student’s answer to a bonus question on a recent mid-term university exam, threatening anyone with hell is just a laughing matter.

Ironically, even deliciously, an act of lovemaking clinched the argument against hell.

With “eternal damnation” now proven false, daily demonstrations of direct cause-and-effect, reaping what we sow, treating others as we wish to be treated, attracting the energy that we put out (and that comes back around – for good or ill – with interest), and good ol’ karmic rebalancing provide all the incentive anyone should require to “do the right thing.”

To hell with hell. Who needs it, when paying for our own perversity and screw-ups right here on Earth – and receiving the benefits of our good deeds – is so inescapably inevitable? Even if our misdeeds dodge the law, there’s no fooling our sickened cells, stricken conscience, or squirming souls. And who needs that?

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENTHell Sign

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs using Boyle’s Law, which states that gas cools when it expands, and heats when it is compressed. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

A BUMPY RIDE FOR STAR WARS

Posted in Space Watch with tags , , , , , on February 20, 2008 by willthomasonline

antisat_calmseas_popularmechanicscom.jpgMy Santa Cruz correspondent was nearly incoherent with rage, disbelief and fear. “Have you seen the news?” Rich Valles spluttered. “There’s this toxic satellite falling to Earth and the Navy’s supposed to shoot it down. But they can’t. The ocean’s too choppy!”

“Hold on,” I barked into the phone. “What are you saying? The Navy can’t use an expensive onboard weapons system because the sea is too bumpy? Didn’t the manufacturer gyro-stabilize the thing? I hope they get a refund.”

“Dude,” Rich came back, “I’m telling you. They can’t hit a bus 150 miles away!”

In Nelson’s day, seamen understood that ships sashayed in an ocean swell. Not wanting to fire at fish, gunners gauging the set and scend of the waves waited to fire their cannons on the upwards roll. In modern naval gunnery, computers can send a shell the size of a VW bug into someone’s parlor a dozen miles away. But it’s apparently too tough to fire a guided missile “on the roll” with crockery clattering in the galley, and the OOD up on the bridge waiting for the Old Man to stop cursing his spilled java and those pesky seas to flatten.

“Don’t worry,” I told Rich. “I’ve been to sea. I’ll call the Navy Department right away with a head’s-up: ‘Stand by, swabbies! You might not be ready for this. I hope you can handle the news: the ocean is bumpy. You might want to take that into consideration when designing your ships and multi-billion dollar weapons systems.”

Rich wasn’t laughing.

“Maybe they can get the Chinese to shoot it down for them,” I suggested. “They did a good job on that Japanese spy satellite a while back.” Before they whacked one of their own.

I was already tapping the keyboard like an Aegis missile defense operator.

HYDRAZINE HOAX – AND COVER-UP
Yup. Here’s AP reporting: “Having lost power shortly after it reached orbit in late 2006, the satellite is out of control, the satellite would be expected to hit Earth during the first week of March. About half of the 5,000-pound spacecraft would be expected to survive its blazing descent through the atmosphere and would scatter debris over several hundred miles.” [AP Feb 20/08]

And here was Deputy National Security Advisor James Jeffrey saying the spy satellite – designed to photograph naked Russian sunbathers with eye-popping resolution – carries 400 liters of hydrazine rocket propellant that could release “toxic gas” over a “populated area” causing a “risk to human life.”

That sounded like a terrorist attack to me. If not outright discrimination against nudists.

But here was Joint Chiefs of Staff Vice Wizard General James Cartwright pooh-poohing the threat. Cartwright reassured reporters that the resulting “mild chlorine gas poisoning” (similar to the mustard gas that maimed hundreds of thousands of young men in Flanders’ fields while their generals sipped cognac in more aromatic breezes), would only cause “burning in the lungs” and “elsewhere.” Assuming you and your family were not shredded by space shrapnel, the area affected by the hydrazine gas cloud would be “roughly the size of two football fields.”

Think of it as another Superbowl lottery.

One space expert calculated that this official “hazard area” would be “something like 1/10,000,000,000 of the area under the orbit… Which means the hydrazine rationale just doesn’t hold up, literally not within orders of magnitude.”

After all, he went on to point out, “several other hydrazine-filled object have come crashing down to Earth.” The space shuttle Columbia’s hydrazine tank survived violent re-entry without releasing a toxic gas cloud. And space researcher Ed Kyle counts 42 “major reentry objects” for 2007 alone – including 9 satellites. No hydrazine hassles there. But with incoming space junk arriving every nine days or so, you might want to duck.

And don’t forget to count eight to a dozen upper stage boosters, which also came down in 2007. At least one “probably contained several hundred [kilograms] of residual propellant.”

Forget anti-missiles. Why isn’t the EPA enforcing America’s anti-pollution laws? A U.S. Air Force study says that alumina particles and chlorine burned in rocket fuels during dozens of satellite and shuttle launches every year leaves a persistent ozone hole “tens of kilometers” wide – and hundreds of miles long. [“Stratospheric Ozone Reactive Chemicals Generated by Space Launches Worldwide” Space And Missile Systems Center Nov 1/94]

Another veteran space security specialist scoffs at what he terms, “simply a feel-good cover story tossed to the media. It is true that hydrazine is very toxic and could result injury or death, but the odds of this happening are minuscule. The average person in American is many thousands of times more likely to be killed in a car accident than by any falling debris. In fact, no one has ever been killed by space debris… Having the U.S. government spend millions of dollars to destroy a billion-dollar failure to save zero lives is comedic gold.”

Make that $60 million to modify the anti-sat missile. America’s three million homeless and 35 million hungry people might have some better spending suggestions. [Reuters Nov 14/07]

SPACE PIMPS AND STAR WHORES
“There has to be another reason behind this,” Michael Krepon agrees. “In the history of the space age, there has not been a single human being who has been harmed by man-made objects falling from space.”

So what’s up?

Krepon observes that the Missile Defense Agency “is always looking for ways to pimp their systems and provide further justification that they work. The upcoming change in Administration is almost guaranteed to result in missile defense losing the top-level advocacy that it has enjoyed for the last several years. Any additional missions and justifications that the missile defense community can provide would increase the likelihood of their systems (and budgetary power) surviving.”

Then there’s China. Was the Celestial Kingdom playing with more faulty chips?

“While this ‘shoot down’ is not a direct action against China, it would be a clear signal that the U.S. can possess an active ASAT capability at any time if it so desires,” he added. “The U.S. has been berating the Chinese on their ASAT test, but now demonstrate that it is okay as long as it occurs at a low enough altitude to prevent long-lasting debris and can “save lives”. This is close to an implied ‘ok’ for the U.S. and other nations to conduct more ASAT tests, which could open another arms race. I am also certain that Russian and China would also see this as a slap in the face as they are trying to revive the Peaceful Uses of Outer Space treaty discussion and ban on space weapons. It would further negatively affect the relations between them and the US. Which could lead to increased tensions, arms buildup, etc etc etc. Nothing good for anyone outside of arms manufacturers and politicians that need a bogeyman to scare people into voting for them.” [blog.wired.com Feb 15/08]

If it works.

A BETTER THAN ZERO CHANCE OF SUCCESS
China, Russia and sorely abused American taxpayers may receive another message entirely if the Navy shoots. And misses.

Happily, the cruiser USS Lake Erie steaming north of Hawaii can fire a second SM-3 missile if the first one spears a following sea. But don’t hold your breath without an aqualung. With the next launch window already slammed shut on embarassed fingers, a senior officer at the Pentagon explains that America’s super-expensive, super-exotic weapons can only protect against space attack when it’s nice out. “We don’t anticipate the weather being good enough today,” the officer said. Tell that to the alien space invaders! [AP Feb 20/08]

As the Associated Press went on to note: “The military has readied a three-stage Navy missile, designated the SM-3, which has chalked up a high rate of success in a series of missile defense tests since 2002. In each case it targeted a short- or medium-range ballistic missile, never a satellite. A hurry-up program to adapt the missile for this anti-satellite mission was completed in a matter of weeks.” [AP Feb 20/08]

But wait! Those tests, like all anti-missile “tests” – was rigged. As Wired’s Noah Shachtman points out, the 12 out of 14 “successful” intercepts of the SM-3 were made in frigid space at altitudes over 100 miles, where incoming short- and medium-range ballistic missiles provided “hot targets” for the SM-3’s heat-seeking guidance system. All trajectories were known in advanced and carefully arranged to ensure budget-building “success”.

“Those engagements are quite scripted,” insists the Pentagon’s former director of missile testing. “All the pieces are in the right places so the engagement can occur.” The former director explains that the SM-3 is so slow, the Navy’s three Aegis anti-missile ships “are always located within a range that makes it possible for their missiles to reach their target.”

But not to worry. As Gen. Obering explained in 2005, “We have a better-than-zero chance of successfully intercepting, I believe, an inbound warhead.” [blog.wired.com Oct 3/07]

TAKING THE SHOT
Raytheon, makers of the over-hyped Patriot missile, also makes the AM-3 interceptor. According to the company, about 30 seconds before intercept, the SM-3’s Kinetic Warhead separates from the rocket’s third stage and immediately looks for its target based on telemetry received from the ship that fired it. An Attitude Control System is supposed to precisely maneuver the solid, non-explosive interceptor warhead to hit the incoming warhead head-on – with the equivalent energy of a 10 ton truck hitting a bus at 600 miles per hour. (Actual combined collision impact is more than 2,300 mph.)

Problem is, the SM-3’s last-moment maneuvering system has been scrapped after its ceramics kept cracking like bad pots. And the sexy interceptor’s “long-wavelength imaging infrared seeker” is not intended to differentiate an incoming warm target against the surrounding warm atmosphere. And then there’s the speed factor. As David Wright of the Union of Concerned Scientists notes, “This interceptor is really intended for missiles traveling at 3 to 4 kilometers per second; the satellite they’re going to be shooting at has a speed of 7 to 8 kilometers per second.” [blog.wired.com Oct 3/07]

Oh dear.

Victoria Samson is a missile specialist at the Center for Defense Information. Even if the Pacific calms down enough for the Navy to launch it’s modified anti-satellite missile within the next three days, she comments: “If it doesn’t know what to look for, it is unlikely to make an intercept. And since the tests to date have all been highly scripted, the system has not had any practice of on the fly (if you’ll excuse the phrase) intercept attempts. [blog.wired.com Feb 15/08]

Either way, what about the resulting space trash? “I am very worried about the debris creation — particularly the debris that the light-weight interceptor will kick into higher orbits when it hits the massive (bus-sized) satellite,” writes space security expert, Jeffrey Lewis. “Cartwright said 50% would come down within two orbits, with the rest coming down in weeks and months… But those two orbits could be hairy. And some of the debris will remain in orbit.” [blog.wired.com Feb 14/08; ArmsControlWonk.com]

Talk about Astronaut Roulette! There are already more than 9,000 pieces of space junk orbiting the Earth. Measuring from 4-inches to more than 5,500 tons, the debris left by Russian, U.S., French, Chinese, Japanese, Indian and European rockets totals more than 2 million tons. American military radars, which were supposedly “incapable” of tracking huge airliners on the morning of 9/11, can spot baseball-sized objects up to 600 miles away. [AP Jan 20/06; space.com Oct 19/00]

OH OH, CANADA
Rich chuckled grimly.

“I heard it’s coming your way.”

“Now you’re making me nervous” I shot back. The last time the Americans crashed one of their satellites here, it scattered hot nuclear debris all over the Yukon. That plutonium – the deadliest, most persistent toxic substance known on Earth – was a bitch to clean up.

Sure enough. Wired is reporting: “Satellite Shoot-Down Set: Intercept Near Hawaii; Debris Cloud Over Canada.”

Say what?

A veteran satellite-watcher told the online mag, “To my considerable surprise, it’s on an ascending pass that will take the debris cloud across central Canada a few minutes later. Then across a bit of western Africa and eastern Australia.”

Hey, thanks guys! I guess Fallujah wasn’t enough for you.

A sat watcher named Zarya observed that the rogue spy satellite, designated USA-193 so that no one will forget where this mess came from, could be intercepted heading southbound over the Pacific at eight in the morning Eastern time on February 21st. Which doesn’t leave me much time to start digging. Assuming a “successful” intercept, at least for the first orbit “the debris cloud would appear to steer clear of densely-populated zones.”

And the subsequent orbits? (I almost typed “obits”.)

But that southbound shot isn’t going to happen.

“There are some disadvantages in the southbound option,” Zarya explained. “The interception would occur in the Earth’s shadow, so optical tracking close to the event would not be possible. And the next few orbital passes overfly significant population centres” – including (wait for it) Africa, the Middle East, other south Asian states, Europe, southern Russia (where Putin is already pissed at Bush), and the Peoples’ Republic of China (ditto). [wired.com Feb 19/08]

Note to the White House: Shooting satellites down over other people’s heads is considered an Unfriendly Act. Can you spell w-a-r?

Out of the blue, Rich announced that he was not feeling safe.

“I’m having second thoughts about going to the beach,” he told me, his voice rising. “They aren’t going to shoot it down! What if this thing was an asteroid?”

I was thinking the same thing.

What could I tell him? No matter which way the pieces fly, this looks like yet another Lose-Lose scenario from those Masters of Mishap.

And American voters want to wait another year?

CABLES CUT DELIBERATELY – WRONG MESSAGE SENT

Posted in Middle East Watch, Money Watch with tags , , , , , , on February 13, 2008 by willthomasonline

Guess what?

The long awaited, much delayed Iran Oil Bourse has once again failed to open by its latest deadline after four vital undersea fiber optic cables linking much of the Middle East to Gulf states and the rest of the world were recently severed in five places.

The unprecedented Internet outages came just as Iran announced the discovery of a major gas field with “huge reserves” estimated at 11 trillion cubic feet off its Gulf coast. Already possessing the world’s second-largest proven gas reserves after Russia, the announcement seemed certain to kick-start the Iran’s petroleum trading exchange, announced by Teheran to open by February 10, 2008. [english.aljazeera.net Feb 02/08]

It didn’t happen.

According to a trusted, long-time source with contacts throughout the Middle East, the U.S. defense establishment and the Vatican, and with whom I have broken major stories over the past 16 years – my earlier posts speculating on deliberate U.S. sabotage to prevent the Iran Oil Bourse from opening were, as the say in the oil biz, “spot on.”

“I can confirm that the cables were cut,” Hank said. “The cables were cut to send a message: ‘Don’t do the bourse.’”

Just one week after George Bush’s quixotic Persian Gulf mission to somehow rally Arab nations around U.S. and Israeli plans of “confronting Iran’s nuclear program before it is too late,” Russia’s military chief of staff General Yuri Baluyevsky promised “to defend the sovereignty and territorial integrity of Russia and its allies.”

The general then clarified, “Military forces will be used, including, preventively, the use of nuclear weapons.”

So much for the “maniac running around threatening everyone with a razor,” as Putin recently publicly described Bush.

Bush and Cheney’s plans to carpet bomb Iran were put on indefinite hold after General Baluyevsky added that although Russians have no plans of attacking anyone, they nevertheless “consider it necessary for everyone around the world community to clearly understand that” nuclear weapons will be used if the U.S. attacks Iran – where Russian oil and nuclear power investments were recently ante-upped with the first major delivery of Russian nuclear fuel to the Bushehr reactor. [liveleak.com; gather.com;americanfreepress.com]

Or maybe not.

ATTRACTING THE ENERGY THEY PUT OUT
Press TV, Iran is reporting: “Israel calls for shelter rooms to be set up in a bid to prepare the public for yet another war, this time, one of raining missiles.” This after retired general Udi Shani assured the nation, “The next war will see a massive use of ballistic weapons against the whole of Israeli territory.” [Global Research]

A pugnacious Putin has already dispatched a naval task force into the Mediterranean Sea and the North Atlantic. According to the Canadian analysis org, Global Research, “The flagship of Russia’s Black Sea Fleet, the Moskva guided missile cruiser, joined up with Russian naval warships in the Mediterranean on January 18 to participate in the current maneuvers… The current operation is the first large-scale Russian Navy exercise in the Atlantic in 15 years. All combat ships and aircraft involved carry full combat ammunition loads. [Global Research]

France is also gearing up for major military maneuvers in the Straits of Hormuz, through which most of the world’s oil passes. Scheduled to take place from February 23 to March 5, 2008, Operation “Gulf Shield 01” will involve more than 5,300 French, Emirate and Qatari personnel operating a half-dozen warships, 40 aircraft, and dozens of armored vehicles in war games targeting oil platforms off the coast of Iran. [DefenseNews.com]

In yet another Alpha male “threat display” aimed at giving pause to any country aggrieved by attacks on its soil, the Aegis cruiser USS San Jacinto is now in Haifa, Israel showcasing its advanced ability to defend against counter-attacking Iranian aircraft, submarines – or missiles. According to Whitney, writing in Online Journal, “Bush is convinced that if he doesn’t confront Iran, then no one will. He also believes that if he doesn’t militarily defend the dollar, then America’s days as ‘the world’s only superpower’ will soon be over. [Online Journal Feb 6/08]

BUSTING THE BOURSE
If it had opened on schedule, the Iran Oil Bourse could have pushed GW Bush over the edge of the Armageddon abyss. Modeled after the French stock exchange in Paris – the Federation Internationale des Bourses de Valeurs – in June 2004 Iran’s Bourse Council was given the mullah’s go ahead to establishment of the first-ever oil, gas and petrochemical stock market in the Islamic Republic.

On July 11, 2005 the Bourse Council issued legal permits for the establishment of Oil Bourse and instructed the fractious Ministry of Petroleum to stop fighting internally for political position and make it happen.

The new euro-dominated bourse was to go head to head with London’s International Petroleum Exchange and the New York Mercantile Exchange. Both are owned by U.S. corporations and both oil exchanges trade in depreciating dollars. Since the European Union imports more oil from OPEC producers than does the USA, importing more than 45% of its oil from Middle East, trading for that increasingly valuable commodity in dollars makes sense. [strategytalk.org;muckraker.com]

But not for the United States, where a sudden seismic shift away from dollar-dominated foreign oil would force a massive overnight “restructuring” of that severely bankrupt economy.

The U.S. attack on Iraq months after its president shifted that country’s oil trade from dollars to euros is a lesson not lost on Teheran, which has repeatedly “postponed” opening of its own euro oil bourse in the face of Washington’s threats.

In March 2006, instead of commencing trading as previously announced a spokesman for the Iranian Oil Ministry raised eyebrows when he told the Russian press, “We have no information on opening an oil exchange in the free economic zone on Kish Island.” [RIA Novosti ; en.rian.ru Mar 20/06]

Soon after the surprise non-announcement, the Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting carried Iranian oil minister’s latest update. Iran, Vaziri Hamaneh re-affirmed, was ready to launch its oil bourse one week after the unexplained delay. Denying that he had previously stated that the Iran Oil Bourse will bring down the US economy, Hamaneh told reporters, “I don’t know who has speculated that. I’ve not talked about U.S. economy.” [raisethehammer.org]

It didn’t happen.

In October 2006, President Mahmud Ahmadinejad underlined the necessity to set up the Oil Bourse, regretting the delay. Most transactions were to be carried out through the Internet using a nexus of undersea fiber-optic cables [iranian.ws]

SILENCE IN THE WHIRLWIND
In February 2008 vital Internet cables were sabotaged to underline points made less than two weeks previously by GW Bush, who had called on Middle East nations to continue linking their oil to the dollar, or they were going to “sleep with the fishes,” as Middle East analyst Mike Whitney put it.

“For the last two months, a number of sheiks and finance ministers have been publicly groaning about the falling dollar – threatening to break from the so-called “dollar-peg” and covert to a basket of currencies. Bush’s trip appears to have rekindled the spirit of brotherly cooperation. The grumbling has stopped and everyone is back ‘onboard,’” Whitney observed.

Amazingly – with a panicked U.S. Federal Reserve slashing interest rates 125 basis points on $1 trillion in capital invested by the sheiks in US Treasuries and securities…

… with Reuters reporting inflation spiraling out of control in Saudi Arabia, Oman, and the United Arab Emirates

… forcing governments there to intervene “directly in loans, property and commodity markets to offset rate cut” and “provide food subsidies for their people”… as well as massive wage increases for “some Emeriti federal government employees”

… as commercial property values double in the UAE since last year –

… as migrant workers riot in Dubai over price hikes

… and the Saudi riyal rockets to a 21-year peak, with another 8% rise in the dirham and riyal expected by April

Oh hum.

Or as Whitney remarks, after Bush’s series of one-on-ones, “regional leaders now seem less bothered by the fact that inflation is trashing their economies and driving food, labor, energy and housing through the roof.” [Online Journal Feb 6/08]

SOMETHING DIFFERENT THIS WAY COMES
With their inimitable inability to plan for contingencies coupled to an uncanny knack of turning opportunities for dialogue into deepening disasters, the fundamentalists in the Washington have once again “misunderestimated” an ancient, highly disciplined and desert-savvy culture. The business, government, medical and academic people I came to know as a reporter in Saudi Arabia, Bahrain and Kuwait operate a sophisticated tribal network and trading milieu so far beyond their ken, the White House might as well be dealing with severe time and comprehension delays while sending increasingly irrelevant directives from an oxygen-starved location somewhere on Mars.

In yet another marathon 10 hour interview , Hank updated our “Loose Nukes,” “Poppers” and “U.S. Drops Atomic Bombs On Iraq and Afghanistan,” and “Fatal Flaw” stories posted on willthomasonline.net.
As for cutting those cables and sending their usual insulting message to the noncompliant originators of trade, law and Western Civilization, the Bushwhackers “were looking at a financial change,” Hank explained. “They weren’t looking at the other end of things. They weren’t thinking of the other events as they unfolded. The message got across but not quite in the way they were hoping.”

Iran’s oil bourse, he explained, is “just one piece of a much bigger puzzle.”

Forget about it, he advised.

“They don’t do the bourse. It’s going to be something different.”

How different?

Quoting his Vatican source, Hank replied, “They are going to start a new bank.”

BREAKING THE BANK
“Remember the old Bank of England?” my informant urged. “Think Catholic, Bank of England – Pope.”

Consider how the Bank of England was able to consolidate its present grip on the world’s financial network through the ability of its “parent” – the Bank of Rome – to control money, resources and travel throughout the Olde World through the powerfully superstitious expedient of making all believers beholden to them for eventual passage into paradise. After baptizing them through its priestly agents, Rome can still excommunicate reluctant players and condemn them to hell, Hank pointed out. Turning to what could become a resurgent Middle East, he added, “Same thing with these guys.”

Except they have 2,000 years of technological advancement to install their own overland fiber-optic communications made from the finest signal-conducting sand on the planet. Also enough oil and incoming solar energy to power their economies, sophisticated management, their own Internet – and more than one billion highly spiritually-disciplined members who have not forgotten the scientific and academic achievements of Islam’s once-great civilization.

Or its Western betrayals.

“The oil bourse is a chip on the table in a big pile of chips,” Hank told me last night.

“Are we talking a single currency for the Gulf region?” I wanted to know.

“An Islamic currency,” Hank clarified. “They’re talking about making a hemisphere. This really is the New World.”

Though Washington’s sabotage of their undersea comm cables has confirmed the correctness of the sheiks’ vision, Hank said their ambitious plans – which include a massive ship canal now secretly under construction to bypass the Strait of Hormuz – will not be fast-tracked. Look for the financial world, as the West has come to dominate it, to turn upside down “in about a year.”

And don’t ask, What next?

William Thomas Discusses Days Of Deception

Posted in Reporter's Notebook with tags , , , on February 9, 2008 by willthomasonline

CLICK HERE TO HEAR/SAVE AUDIO

10/26/07
William Thomas discusses Days Of Deception with Meria Heller, who says:

“This is the most exciting book I’ve read in a long time. 9/11/01 in real time; what do to now – emergence; Doom & Bloom; Kucinich’s “Dept of Peace”; Richard Grove’s excellent work; turf wars inside the 9/11 “movement”; financial incentives behind 9/11, Iraq,Afghanistan, and possibly Iran; “Deep Pockets” – 9/11 a fireworks display; Pearl Harbor truth – Robert Stinnett’s “Day of Deceit”; commercial shipping moved out of the way on that day of “infamy”; the Pearl Harbor stand-down, the 9/11 stand-down; what can Bush do in a year?

“All evolves back to the Vatican and the Bank of Rome; money is why 9/11 happened; Federal Reserve; put options on 9/11; Richard’s work on financial trading software; fraudulent trading activities; the price REAL truthers pay; Bank of England; the Black Pope; the Jesuits; the micro chips made in China; Paying off 9/11 Commission to cover up Pakistan; using low level nukes in Iraq; radiation illness; Nothing can outlast the truth”. (13 min. MP3)

Subscribe to Meria’s podcasts and download the rest of this 55 min. interview here.

WILLIAM THOMAS DISCUSSES CHEMTRAILS WITH MERIA HELLER

Posted in Chemtrails with tags , on February 9, 2008 by willthomasonline

CLICK HERE TO HEAR/SAVE AUDIO

10/26/07
William Thomas discusses chemtrails with Meria Heller, who says:

“Will Thomas is an author, journalist, photographer and filmmaker. We discuss his excellent book “Chemtrails Confirmed”. chemtrail awakening, sign the chemtrail petitions on his site; USAF new fleet of aerial tanker planes; Visual stealth technology; people only see what’s in their consciousness; NBC & Discovery on chemtrails; Morgollon’s disease; contrails vs. chemtrails; humidity and contrails; are contrails harmless? vaccines, sedatives; biological warfare under the cloak of darkness; quartz particles – transmitters of energy; electromagnetic pollution; scrambling our brains; how to protect yourself; fungus in the blood of 99% of chemtrail patients; last gasp of outdated paradigm; symptoms of chemtrail poisoning; HAARP; tunable polymers; biowarfare experiments since the 50’s; Zombie Nation – why the lack of awareness & outcry?” (12 min.)

ARE UNDERSEA CABLE CUTS ESCALATING “U.S. ECONOMIC TERRORISM”?

Posted in Covert Ops, Middle East Watch, Oil Watch with tags , , , , , , on February 8, 2008 by willthomasonline

U.S. allies Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates are helping to shield Iran’s banking system from Washington’s “financial terrorism,” the governor of Iran’s central bank, Tahmasb Mazaheri has declared.

Despite the Bush administration’s attempts to isolate Iran and cut that country’s access to the global financial system, “The pressure is not working because cultural, political and economic ties between Gulf oil producers are too strong,” MiddleEastOnline points out.

Speaking at the recent Islamic Finance Summit, Mazaheri pledged, “Neither us nor our neighbors will sacrifice our long-term interests because of the unilateral pressures.”

Teheran’s denials of having a nuclear weapons program were dramatically and independently confirmed by a U.S. Government National Intelligence Estimate leaked last December in which all U.S. intelligence agencies concurred that Iran had dropped all nuclear weapons development in 2003, and has not since resumed it.

MiddleEastOnline further points out, “Iran has long had close economic ties with Gulf states, especially in the UAE and Bahrain, Arab allies of Washington and home to the Middle East’s biggest financial centers. Even so, banks in the world’s top oil-exporting region have bowed to pressure from the United States to make doing business with the Islamic Republic more difficult.”

Bahrain’s Ahli United Bank is that country’s biggest lender. Under strong White House pressure, AUBB.BH, has “frozen” banking activity with its affiliate Future Bank inside Iran. Other UAE lenders have refrained from issuing new letters of credit to Iranian companies.

Foreign banks are also buckling, MiddleEastOnline reports: “France’s BNP Paribas and Calyon, the investment banking arm of Credit Agricole, stopped offering Letters of Credit on Iranian fuel imports because of pressure from Washington.”

“I call it kind of financial terrorism in the financial industry,” Mazaheri told reporters. “And it cannot be tolerated by the global financial system,”

Mazaheri insisted that Iran’s central bank is continuing to assist private and state-owned Iranian banks “regardless of the pressure on them.”

Iran is the second-largest oil producer in the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries. A recent major natural gas find has also secured its place as holder of the world’s second-largest reserves of natural gas.

Iran officially says it is now retaliating against U.S. economic sanctions by diversifying its more than $72 billion of cash reserves from its natural gas and oil sales away from the rapidly weakening U.S. currency.

“We have tried to avoid keeping dollars,” Mazaheri explained, adding that the motivations for Iran’s central bank to diversify its cash-for-oil reserves away from the dollar were both “political and also because of the trend of the weakening dollar.” [Middle East Online Feb 7/08]

The debt-ridden dollar remains at record lows against the euro and a basket of major currencies.

It is the contention of this veteran investigative reporter, with personal experience in the U.S. Navy and the Middle East, that the recent furor over five cuts to four vital undersea fiber-optics cables in recent days could have been carried out by USS Jimmy Carter. A five-year, $1 billion refit at the Groton, Connecticut shipyard saw this purpose-built, fiber-optic cable spy sub outfitted with high-tech upgrades, including remotely operated robot submersibles, and a special detachable chamber for splicing into the deeply submerged fiber-optic cables that carry 95% of the world’s telephone and Internet traffic – including the Persian Gulf.

Instead of attempting to intercept that data stream, the sub, working alone or in concert with divers from other submarines, could be sending a clear signal to Teheran and other Gulf countries to “think twice” before opening a long-awaited Oil Bourse on the luxury island of Kish.

Set to open for trading by February 10, 2008 after repeated postponements in the face of U.S. threats, the innovative Iran Oil Bourse – or IOB – will allow oil buyers and sellers acting for their respective governments to bypass speculators and banks acting as costly “middlemen” to trade directly in oil – online. The Internet-dependent bourse is highly vulnerable to digital disruption. And Kish lies close to Dubai, where the most serious and unprecedented breaks occurred in two new cables. [Energy Bulletin Feb 3/08]

While the possibility of U.S. interference with this vital communications network remains speculative, the non-coincidental nature of five fiber-optic cable breaks in close succession, as well as the timing of the breaks, suggests a possible link with an impending euro-based bourse that threatens to push aside a U.S. dollar totally dependent on oil being traded in that currency.

Although the sailing times and tracks of U.S. nuclear submarines are classified, it would be interesting to know whether USS Jimmy Carter is currently in port or at sea.